Courage and Fear

I am courageous. Not in a super badass way, like slaying dragons for chicks or anything, but in small ways. It's not that I won't back down on a dare - I'm not stupid (which can look courageous from time to time). It's just small choices that I make at the very last minute - I often figure if other people can do it (and no matter what "it" is, someone does it, and does it well), then I can too. This is why I frequently end up on adventures. I find that new experiences thrill me instead of scaring me, I love to meet new people, and I'm unafraid of leaving my junky car unlocked less a psycho killer lurks inside at the end of my dinner shift. In reality, courage is having an implicit trust in the plan of the universe and sacrificing the illusion of control over the outcome of a situation. Through this attitude I have uncovered a truth: the world is less complicated than we think. It is less evil, more open and friendly, and less judgmental than we have been told. In my adventures into the world around me, I have found landscapes to be less demanding than I thought, people to be more friendly, and infrastructure to be less challenging than I ever dreamed. Upon reaching the southernmost town in Chile on my first backpacking trip, my response was, "wow, that was easier than I thought it would be." The same thought occurred to me after riding my bicycle 1,300 miles through Alaska. Remember that next time just getting to the post office, or making that phone call that you should have made two weeks ago seems like too much work.

I find that although I am courageous in many adventure scenarios, other seemingly inconsequential events in my life lurk in the shadows, leaving that awful pit of fear deep in my stomach. Even though I have a somewhat menial job as a waitress, work scares me more than almost anything else I do. Perhaps it's my lack of understanding - we fear what we don't know - mixed with a healthy dose of truly psycho work experiences that has made me a tail-between-the-legs, yes-man employee that is a pale shadow of the strong, insightful person I am able to be outside of work. Currently I am in a healthy work relationship and excited at the prospect of being able to assuage the fear demons that still live in my stomach. How is this done? I'm not sure. But the path stretches out before me - a different type of adventure.

The Mission

To unforgivingly delve into the workings of myself to try and find some sort of direction. To try to make something out of all of these passions that seem so disconnected. To hopefully help to sympathize with others in the same boat, and perhaps to coax out of them some sort of conversation about these latent desires that we cannot quite describe, but also will not go on living without. Basically, the mission is to use the power of the word to start to answer some questions.

Is it my age? My generation? My parents? My socio-economic staus, race, sexual preference or creed? How do each of these, if any, impact who I am, how I react, whether I will succeed or fail or be happy or be unhappy?

Another mission is to look outside of myself. I would like to offer knowledge, reviews and research on subjects that enter my life. I would like to relay my experiences (usually hapless) with these scattered passions. As far as I can contend at this moment, they include cycling, skiing, adventuring of any sort, writing, and knitting and crocheting. Animals are a very important part of my life as well, and I will drop everything to savor a microbrew anyplace, anytime, with anyone.

So, let's go, shall we?

**If you read this post, PLEASE post a comment. It can be anything, related or not, but I would love to feel like I'm having a conversation with you instead of just writing at you!