This entry has remained a title only for too long. The fear of being misunderstood, of being judged, compared, or scrutinized has been holding its anvil over my head for too long. I feel stifled by this fear, as though it's a pillow being held over my face and eventually it will snuff me out. The drive to impress, a fear of mistakes, a preoccupation with perfection is a part of me that will eventually drive all joy out of my life if I let it. And lately, it's gone unchecked. I am so frequently in awe of others accomplishments that I feel that I have little to contribute. I am all too aware of my failings and shortcomings, and even the things I've done "right" have their own flaws that render them, in my mind, contentious. It's impossible to find joy in anything you do when you're constantly worried with impressing others, whether you're doing it the "right" way, or worried with finding a better way to do whatever it is you're doing. I would like to leave this fear behind, but I am afraid of the consequences. What will happen if I actually stop caring what people think? Will I end up a loon? Would I be happier as a loon? Most likely.
My questions are: how do I overcome this fear? How do I gather the strength to weather criticism, derision, and scoffs? How do I stop taking life so goddamn seriously?!?!?!
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